Jokes and Humour

Hunour

2009-11-08T20:23:00.000-08:00

What The Hell.....

2009-11-08T20:20:00.001-08:00

One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in
despair, he has his first meeting the devil.

devil: Why so glum, chum?

Guy: What do you think? I`m in hell.

Devil: Hell`s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down
here.
You a drinkin` man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Devil: Well, you`re gonna love Mondays then.
On Mondays, that`s
all we do is drink... Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet
Tab... We drink till we throw up, and then we drink some more.

Guy: Gee, that sounds great.

Devil: You a smoker?

Guy: You better believe it.

Devil: All right! You`re gonna love Tuesdays. We get the
finest cigars from around the world and smoke our friggin` lungs out.
If you get cancer, it`s okay... you`re already dead.

Guy: Wow !

Devil: I bet you like to gamble.

Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.

Devil: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day.
Craps,blackjack, horse races, you name it.
We even opened up a pai gowpoker table.

Guy: Gosh, I never played pai gow before...

Devil: Well now you can.
You like to do drugs?

Guy: Yes, I love to do drugs. You don`t mean...

Devil: That`s right!...Thursday is drug day.
Help yourself to a
great big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You
can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it`s okay...you`re already dead.

Guy: Neat! I never realized that hell was such a swingin` place!

Devil: HEHE ...You gay?

Guy: nervously he says ," Ummm,.. No."

Demon: Oooh,..
Then i hate to tell ya , But you`re really gonna hate Fridays....

Coke someone?

2009-09-07T02:23:00.000-07:00

Obama Joke

2009-08-04T20:27:00.000-07:00

100 years ago...old books said that if a 'black' was to be a US president,
the pigs would fly...in 2008 Obama became the president of the US and...
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SWINE S FLU [flew]

Teacher's phone.....

2009-08-03T01:22:00.000-07:00

For a Change

2009-08-03T01:19:00.000-07:00

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.

They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most."

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.

The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.

After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left, "Would you care to do it again?"

He asks her "Shall we?" She eagerly replies, "Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head."

My hobby!

2009-08-03T01:18:00.001-07:00

Does Management know their Staff ?

2009-08-03T01:16:00.001-07:00

On walking into the factory, the Managing Director of the
Company noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing.

He approached the young man and calmly said to him, "How much do you earn?"

The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such
A personal question, he replied, none the less, "I earn $ 2000.00 a month, Sir. Why?"

Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed
$6000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said, "Around here
I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty!

Here is your 3 months salary, now GET OUT and don't come back".

The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.

Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner,
"And that applies to everybody in this company".

He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who's the young man I just fired?"

To which an amazing reply came - "He was the pizza delivery guy , Sir!"

2009-08-03T01:10:00.000-07:00

Trying to be spiderman........

2009-08-02T01:55:00.000-07:00

The Bathtub Test

2009-07-31T21:10:00.001-07:00

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.

'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, and then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'

'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug.

Do you want a bed near the window?'

A mouse

2009-07-31T20:52:00.000-07:00

One day a mouse was walking on the banks of a river that ran through the jungle in Kenya.
He saw a Hippopotamus in the water and shouted to the Hippopotamus, "Hey you, come out of the water onto this bank, NOW".
The Hippopotamus lumbered onto the bank as requested. The mouse then said, "OK, you can get back in the water now".
The mouse continued walking along the bank until he came upon a lion having a little dip in the river. The mouse
shouted across to the lion, "Hey you, up here, on this bank now!".
The lion was a little concerned about this 'jumped up' mouse giving him orders but he complied and climbed up onto the bank. The mouse then said, "OK, you can get back into the water now". The lion shrugged and returned to the river.
The mouse continued his trip along the banks of the river until he came across an elephant having a good old soak.
The mouse shouted to the elephant. "Hey you, Mr. Elephant, up here on this bank now!". The elephant lumbered out the water and was then told by the mouse to return to the water.

The elephant however was a little bit annoyed about having his soak disturbed so he said to the mouse, "What is going on? I've just seen you call the Hippopotamus, the lion and now me out of the water, why are you doing this ?".

The mouse replied, "when I find out who stole my swimming trunks, I will kill him!".

U better hold it

2009-07-31T20:45:00.000-07:00

Family Problems

2009-07-31T00:36:00.000-07:00

Family Problems

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.

The Indian man said to the American, "You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once.

We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love...I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."

The American said, "Talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story.
I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years.

"After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.

More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle.

Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson.

Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.

And you say you have family problems.. ? !

Toilet Chat

2009-07-31T00:29:00.000-07:00

What do girls do after a bad car accident....

2009-07-30T19:56:00.000-07:00

What do Girls do after a Bad Car Accident ???????

Turn off the ignition?

NO

Get away from the car in case it explodes?

NO

Call 911 on her cell phone?

NO

Can you imagine her 1st action............................................

Divorce Cakes

2009-07-30T19:50:00.000-07:00

Divorce Cakes
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Random jokes ....

2009-07-30T06:40:00.001-07:00

Girlfriend : And are you sure you love me and no one else.
Boyfriend : Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.

Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?
Pupil : The moon.
Teacher : Why?
Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it.

Waiter : Would you like your coffee black.
Customer : What other colours do you have?

My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
Pupil : Did you know that the most intelligent person is going deaf?

Teacher: Really. Who is it?
Pupil : Pardon.

Tom : How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
David: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated.

Teacher : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and Stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student : Brotherly love.

Teacher : Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

Patient : What are the chances of my recovering doctor?
Doctor : One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have.Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died.

Teacher : " Hello boys, Remember !!! Nothing is impossible."
One of the 20 Students: "Ok Sir, You please take out all the toothpaste and put it back into the tube again."

Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE ?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime."

Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ? "
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in his hand

Most intelegent person of the Year

2009-07-30T06:24:00.001-07:00

Funny exam answers

2009-07-30T03:14:00.000-07:00

POOR BOYS!!

2009-07-30T03:04:00.000-07:00

When a Girl Cries ------------The World "Consoles" her

But when a boy cries ---------- They say Come on man

don't be A "Girl"

If A Girl slaps a Boy ----------- Definitely the Boy would have "done something"

If Boy Slaps a girl ------------ -- Rascal doesn't know how to "Respect Ladies"

If a Girl is talking to Boys

----- She is "Very Friendly"

If a Boy talks to a Girl

---------- He is "flirting"

If a Girl meets with accident ------------ --------

Then its "mistake of others"

If a Boy meets with same accident -----------? - --?------

"Don't you know how to Drive"

What A World Is this

North Indian Wife Vs South Indian Wife

2009-07-29T19:24:00.001-07:00

*** WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A North Indian GIRL as WIFE ***

1. At the time of marriage, a north Indian girl has more boyfriends than her age.

2. Before marriage, she looks almost like a bollywood heroine and after marriage you have to go around her twice to completely hug her.

3. By the time she professes her undevoted love to you, you are bankrupt because of the number of times you had to take her out to movies, theatres and restaurants. And you wait longingly for her dowry.

4. The only dishes she can think of to cook is paneer butter masala, aloo sabji, aloo gobi sabji, aloo matar, aloo paneer, that after eating all those paneer and aloos you are either in the bed with chronic cholestrol or chronic gas disorder.

5. The only growth that you see later in your career is the rise in your monthly phone bill.

6. You are blinded by her love that you think that she is a blonde. Only later do you come to know that it is because of the mehandhi that she applies to cover her grey hair.

7. When you come home from office she is very busy watching "Kyonki saas bhi kabi bahu thi" that you either end up eating outside or cooking yourself.

8. You are a very "ESpecial" person to her.

9. She always thought that Madras is a state and covers the whole of south india until she met you.

10. When she says she is going to "work out" she means she is going to " walk out"

11. She has greater number of relatives than the number of people you have in your home town.

12. The only two sentences in English that she knows are "Thank you" and "How are you"

*** WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A South Indian GIRL as WIFE ***

1.Her mother looks down at you because you didn't study in IIT or Madras / Anna University .

2. Her father starts or ends every conversation with " ... I say..."

3. She shudders if you use four letter words.

4. She has long hair, neatly oiled and braided (The Dubai based Oil Well Company will negotiate with her on a 25 year contract to extract coconut oil from her hair.)

5. She uses the word 'Super' as her only superlative.

6. Her name is another name for a Goddess or a flower.

7. Her first name is longer than your first name, middle name and surname combined (unless you are from Andhra)

8. When she mixes milk/curd and rice you are never sure whether it is for the dog or for herself.

9. For weddings, she sports a mini jasmine garden on her head and wears silk saris in the Madras heat without looking too uncomfortable while you are melting in your singlet.

10. Her favourite cricketer is Krishnamachari Srikkanth.

11. Her favourite food is dosa though she has tried North Indian snacks like Chats (pronounced like the slang for 'conversation')

12. She bores you by telling you which raaga each song you hear is based on.

13. You have to give her jewellery, though she has already got plenty of it ..

14. Her Mangal Sutra weighs more than the championship belts worn by WWF wrestlers.

15. Her father thinks she is much smarter than you.

More funny pictures.......

2009-07-28T23:57:00.000-07:00

Funny Pictures!!!!!!

2009-07-26T00:40:00.000-07:00

Still waiting!

2009-07-17T23:22:00.001-07:00

You Should see this !! (Read 15 times)

2009-07-17T23:19:00.000-07:00

Wait 30 seconds.

Logos after the financial crisis.

2009-07-17T23:15:00.000-07:00

X Files

2009-07-17T23:11:00.000-07:00

learn married life NOW

2009-07-12T09:16:00.000-07:00

With no warning and clear out of the blue, a husband said to his wife, "Honey, I have invited a friend home for supper tonight." His wife replied, "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't have time to go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal tonight!" The husband said, "I know all that." "Then why in the world did you invite your friend for supper tonight?" asked the wife.
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The guy answered, "Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married."

Best drunken conversation ever.

2009-06-20T06:53:00.000-07:00

Best drunken conversation ever.

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...

2009-06-20T01:32:00.000-07:00

Irish College Entrance Exam - Amazing Questions

2009-06-18T03:17:00.000-07:00

Pics

2009-06-18T03:11:00.000-07:00

Possibly only in Pakistan

2009-06-18T03:03:00.002-07:00

Can I borrow the dog?

2009-06-18T03:03:00.001-07:00

A man was leaving a cafe when he noticed an unusual funeral.

A funeral coffin was followed by a second one. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line.

The man couldn't stand his curiosity. He approached the man walking with the dog,

"I am so sorry to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this, with so many of you walking in a single line. Whose funeral is it?"

The man replied, " In that first coffin is my wife."

"What happened to her?" asked the man.
"My dog attacked and killed her."
"Well, who is in the second coffin?" asked the man.
"My mother-in-law . She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also. "

A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.

Then the man asks in excitement, "Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied, "Join the queue."

Jokes :: Simply SUPERB

2009-06-17T06:29:00.000-07:00

1.
A Foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

2.
One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption:
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3.
Three FASTEST means of Communication:

1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.

5.
A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral: BE SPECIFIC

6.
What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.

7.
Let us be generous like this: Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.

Ant 1 says: we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says: No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says: No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says: No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

8.
If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

9.
Question: When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer: On their MARRIAGE.

10.
When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if you are still in Darkness â€"

Please PAY your ELECTRICITY BILL.

Men and women

2009-06-17T06:26:00.000-07:00

Men and women on earth die and go to heaven.

God comes and says

"I want the men to form two queues, one line for the men who had
control over their women, and the other one for the men who were
controlled by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away so
that no man and woman can talk."

Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two lines.
The line for the men who were controlled by their women is 100 miles
long, and in the line of men who had control over their women there is
only one man.

God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I
created you in my image, and you were all controlled by your mates.
Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn
from him!"

"Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replies,

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"I don't know, my wife told me to stand here..."

Reading Prisoners Mail

2009-06-16T08:06:00.001-07:00

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden."

The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."

Funny Images

2009-06-14T07:10:00.000-07:00

MOON EATING

2009-06-13T22:31:00.000-07:00

Dehilwala Zoo

2009-06-13T22:25:00.000-07:00

Friendship and love defined in a single photo......

2009-06-13T22:15:00.000-07:00

HOW did an Intelligent BOY PROPOSE to a Girl.

2009-06-13T22:07:00.000-07:00

HOW did an Intelligent BOY PROPOSE to a Girl.
He TOOK the Girl ALONG with him on a BOAT & in the MIDDLE of River said: "LOVE ME or LEAVE the BOAT."

Spiderman

2009-06-13T05:58:00.000-07:00

I HATE MY JOB

2009-06-12T07:50:00.000-07:00

Funny images!!!!!!!!

2009-06-12T07:46:00.002-07:00

IDEAL FOR SRI LANKAN ROADS

2009-06-12T07:46:00.001-07:00

Nike

2009-06-10T07:09:00.001-07:00

MR. BEANS SON

2009-06-10T06:43:00.000-07:00

MY NEW DOORMAT

2009-06-10T06:39:00.000-07:00

NEW CEILING FAN

2009-06-10T06:38:00.000-07:00

FAMILY OUTING

2009-06-10T06:36:00.002-07:00

Good Girls

2009-06-10T06:36:00.001-07:00

Good Girls Are Found In Every Corner Of The Earth

but

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Unfortunately Earth Is ROUND

Funny!!!

2009-06-08T06:08:00.000-07:00

Evolution of the female kind.

2009-06-08T05:59:00.000-07:00

Funny Pics 2

2009-06-07T06:47:00.000-07:00

Oversize Load

Radar in Africa

Refueling

Russian Cops

How do I look like?

2009-06-07T06:43:00.000-07:00

A new film Released[Shahruck khan double acting]

2009-06-07T06:38:00.000-07:00

Check this out!!!!

2009-06-07T06:37:00.000-07:00

Drinking Problem..

2009-06-07T05:56:00.001-07:00

Funny Pics

2009-06-06T23:51:00.000-07:00

Girls are always incomplete without boys

2009-06-06T23:45:00.000-07:00

WOMAN has MAN in it

********

SHE has HE in it

********

Mrs. Has Mr. In it

********

LADY has LAD in it

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MISTRESS has MISTER in it

********

MADAM has ADAM in it

********

HOSTESS has HOST in it

********

FEMALE has MALE in it so on the list is unending

********

So No need to proud.....

********

Girls are always incomplete without boys

Kung Fu Panda for real!!

2009-06-06T23:43:00.000-07:00

It sure is heavy!!!!

2009-06-06T23:17:00.000-07:00

Miss Arab 2009

2009-06-06T23:16:00.001-07:00

If wife died!!!

2009-06-06T23:02:00.001-07:00

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when
the wife looks
over at him and asks a bold question.

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married
again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND: "Shit"

Do not open the door

2009-06-06T06:27:00.000-07:00

A Good Woman Can Bring Balance To Your Life!

2009-06-06T06:26:00.001-07:00

Made in Japan

2009-06-06T06:21:00.000-07:00

A Japanese man went to America on a sight-seeing tour. On his last day, he hailed a Cab and told the driver to drive him to te Airport.
During the journey, a car drove past the Taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Very fast car! Made in Japan"
After a while , another car sped past the Taxi. Again the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled " That car is also very fast! Made in Japan."
This happened for the third time and the driver was little angry, but kept quiet. This went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the Taxi came to the Airport.
The fare was $300. The Japanese exclaimed," What..? Was it that expensive...?"
Thereupon, the driver replied...."Meter, very fast! Made in Japan......"

New laptop

2009-06-06T06:19:00.000-07:00

A most beautiful woman of the World!

2009-06-06T05:48:00.000-07:00

A phone call in china

2009-06-06T05:39:00.000-07:00

Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?

Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan !

Operator : Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this ?

Caller : I am Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about ?

Caller : Well.. just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator : Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator : I'm Saw Ree.

Caller : Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

Operator : That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree

Why English Is So Difficult

2009-06-06T05:34:00.000-07:00

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;

But the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,

Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;

Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,

Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,

And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,

Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,

Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,

And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,

But though we say mother we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,

But imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

Funny

2009-06-06T01:45:00.000-07:00

Everybodies affected by the economy

2009-06-06T01:37:00.000-07:00

Vehicles never seen before

2009-06-06T01:32:00.000-07:00

Easy way to search for the lost file

2009-06-06T01:31:00.001-07:00

What bad luck!!!!

2009-06-06T01:14:00.000-07:00

Great writer

2009-06-06T01:07:00.000-07:00

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "Great" he said,
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

Six Truths of Life

2009-06-05T20:17:00.000-07:00

(Six Truths of Life )

1) You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.

2) All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.

3) And discover that the first truth is a lie.

4) You're smiling now because you're an idiot.

5) You soon will forward this to another idiot.

6) There's still a stupid smile on your face.

I apologise about this. I'm an idiot too and I needed company.

4 bottles

2009-06-05T20:16:00.000-07:00

Worlds Smallest Newspaper ...... ...!!!!!

2009-06-05T20:02:00.000-07:00

Death is Milliseconds Away…

2009-06-05T20:00:00.000-07:00

Kids View of Marriage and Relationships

2009-06-05T19:54:00.001-07:00

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." Alan, age 10

"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." Kirsten, age 10
*******

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
"Twentythree is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then." Camille, age 10

"No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married." Freddie, age 6

*******

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." Eddie, 6

"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." Derrick, age 8
*******

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
"Both don't want no more kids." Lori, age 8
*******

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. Lynnette, age 8.

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." Martin, age 10
*******

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." Craig, age 9
*******

WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE?
"When they're rich." Pam, age 7

"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." Curt, age 7

"The rule goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do." Howard, age 8
*******

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them." Anita, 9

"Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaperchanging." Kirsten, age 10
*******

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
"There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?" Kelvin, age 8

"You can be sure of one thing the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now." Roberta, age 7
*******

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck." Ricky, age 10

Even God has a Sense of Humour!!

2009-06-05T19:42:00.000-07:00

God was in the process of creating the universe.
And he was explaining to his subordinates "Look everything should be in balance. For example, after every 10 deer there should be a lion.

Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States.
I have blessed them with prosperity and money.
But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension....

And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature.
But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.

And here is South America. I have given them lots of forests.
But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests...
So you see fellows, everything should be in balance.

One of the angels asked...
"God, what is this extremely beautiful country here?"

God said....... "Ahah...that is the crown piece of all. "INDIA",
My most precious creation.
It has understanding and friendly People.
Sparkling streams and serene mountains.
A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live.
Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold.....

The angel was quite surprised:
"But god you said everything should be in balance."

God replied -- "Look at the neighbours I gave them."

Engineers jokes

2009-06-05T19:38:00.000-07:00

Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.

----------------------------------------------------------

Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.

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Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

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Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.

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Q: Why did the engineers cross the road?
A: Because they looked in the file, and that's what they did last year

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A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a software engineer are travelling in an old Fiat 500 when all of the sudden the car backfires and comes to a halt.

The mechanical engineer says "Ah! It's probably a problem with the valves, or the piston!".

The electrical engineer says "Nonsense! It's most probably a problem with the spark plugs or the battery!".

The software engineer says "How about we all get out of the car, and get back in again, It might work...".

How Ice Cream is made

2009-06-05T19:33:00.001-07:00

What happens to the IT Professionals after death

2009-06-05T19:22:00.000-07:00

1 . PROGRAMMER

2. NETWORKING EXPERT

3. HTML / XML EXPERT

Rarest Flight

2009-06-05T08:35:00.000-07:00

Did You Say MoreLeft Aileron??. . . . (An Actual Cross Wind Landing)

New Drive Thru Service Gives You An Instant Convertible .. . (An . Actual Landing On The Wrong Runway)

Those dang pot holes . . they r even on runways now!!

Aqua Cessna??? (Single Engine Problems)

Sub Cessna? (Twin Engine Problems)

Do I really need the left landing gear assembly?

Aw Crap!!!! I hate it when I do that!

New reality show - I dare you to fly with us

Roger That Houston . . .. Overheating On Port Engine

Oh wow man.did I miss

Aye . . .who took my wheelie bars?

American Airlines 757 tail strike in OrangeCountyairport in California

In Asia everything bows!

Doing a gear check on an EVA 747

Anybody for a slice of airplane???

oops... wrong button

Making sure they use all available cargo space....

Mechanic forgot to chock the plane

Hang in there baby!!

I hate short runways . .

Me first -- no me first --no, no me first--no, no, no me first..

Hey it looked hard! (Cessna Submarine)

Just cooling the aircraft in Miami

Nature's way of letting you know its got a bad day :p

2009-06-05T08:22:00.000-07:00

ONLY IN JAPAN

2009-06-05T08:13:00.000-07:00